At work, I keep a few crackers at my desk.
The reason for this is defence against duck attacks, of course. If a flock of ducks attack the station, who will be safe? Me, that’s who. I just toss the crackers in the floor, the ducks get distracted, and I walk out, no problem.
Then I started to worry. Are these enough crackers? How many ducks could I really distract? How safe Am I really? I wouldn’t be able to sleep until I knew. So I packed up my crackers to do a little real world research.
Now to find the duck.
Worst place to feed ducks: IHOP.
Best place to feed ducks: the city park.
These ducks are more aggressive them private pond ducks. After about fifteen minutes I had quite a crowd, even the misfits showed up.
Then after thirty minutes in, the geese showed up. They are even more aggressive, they’re down right mean.
After an hour, the ducks lost interest.
I moved over to the lazy ducks and unloaded the rest of the crackers. They mostly just waited for me to toss them the crackers. These are not the ducks I need to worry about attacking.
Turns out, I did have enough crackers to thwart a duck attack, but after me in-depth research, I’m left with none.
Don’t worry, I’m still safe. I discovered something about ducks. For some reason, they hate laser light.
So for safety sake, keep a laser pointer with you at all times.