Duck Research

At work, I keep a few crackers at my desk.

work

The reason for this is defence against duck attacks, of course. If a flock of ducks attack the station, who will be safe? Me, that’s who. I just toss the crackers in the floor, the ducks get distracted, and I walk out, no problem.

Then I started to worry. Are these enough crackers? How many ducks could I really distract? How safe Am I really? I wouldn’t be able to sleep until I knew. So I packed up my crackers to do a little real world research.

full
236 Saltines, 104 Club, 86 Melba toast plus many other styles

Now to find the duck.

Worst place to feed ducks: IHOP.

ihoptxt
They just fill up on pancakes.

Best place to feed ducks: the city park.

city

These ducks are more aggressive them private pond ducks. After about fifteen minutes I had quite a crowd, even the misfits showed up.

ugly1
Homestar Runner “That is one ugly bird.”

Then after thirty minutes in, the geese showed up. They are even more aggressive, they’re down right mean.

After an hour, the ducks lost interest.

I moved over to the lazy ducks and unloaded the rest of the crackers. They mostly just waited for me to toss them the crackers. These are not the ducks I need to worry about attacking.

lazy

Turns out, I did have enough crackers to thwart a duck attack, but after me in-depth research, I’m left with none.

empty

Don’t worry, I’m still safe. I discovered something about ducks. For some reason, they hate laser light.

So for safety sake, keep a laser pointer with you at all times.

Advertisements

Tags: , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s